Congratulations to the United States of America for discontinuing the oppression of our best dressed! I tip my hat to you, with pride, with confidence and with a little burst of glitter.
I felt very moved when I heard the news. The feels ran through me in much the same way as when I watch those Russian dash-cam videos of young men helping old ladies across the street. I’m never sure if it’s because there is always some sort of inclement weather or if it’s the babushkas that get me, but man. Every. Time. And today I sure had feels! I just wasn’t so sure what my feels should be. Should I hug a lesbian? Call up Caitlyn Jenner to discuss our plans for tonight? High-five a hairdresser? Post a rainbow flag to Facebook? Make a video like Sean Hayes? It was one of those moments that I wish Susan B. Anthony had Twitter for guidance on appropriate ways to react when a civil right has been acknowledged. (Note: There are so many reasons I wish Susan B. Anthony had a Twitter. This is just one.)
In the end, I think the strongest emotion for me was surprise. I suppose I knew the Supreme Court was going to make a ruling, but I figured it was procedural. I never thought too hard about it going the wrong way. Partly because I’ve never picketed a day in my life, partly because I hate (aka don’t understand) the language of law, but mostly because I find it unfathomable that someone would have an opinion on someone else’s marriage, gay or otherwise. Really? People actually have made pro/con lists about this shit?
Pro: They totally love each other.
Con: The Westboro Baptist Church says it’s not cool.
Pro: The celebration parade would be realllllly fun.
Con: I might see more men wearing wigs than makes me comfortable.
Pro: The wedding would be FABULOUS.
Con: There will be glitter everywhere.
Pro: They’d all shut the hell up about wanting equal rights, blah blah blah.
Con: [Insert something ignorant about tax dollars]
I imagine that’s approximately what it sounded like. There just can’t be much else to say on the matter. Shall these people receive or not receive what is their civil right? That’s like saying (and mind you this would be excluding those currently in submarines), “I have some real points to debate on the amount of oxygen you’re utilizing.” I mean cool, and I’m gonna let you finish, but I’m gonna keep breathing.
To me, and 5 of 9 Supreme Court Justices as it turns out, there is no debate. Love is love and everyone should get to love. Right? Who has time to argue that?
Well…lots of people, it turns out. As much as I’d love to say that my Facebook was a-blazing with pro-ruling shout outs, it wasn’t. Turns out I have some real sketch Facebook friends. But to them (passive aggressively in this blog post they probably won’t read) I say, “Boooooooo!”, “You smell like fish water!” and a plethora of other really educated rebuttals. Of course, I’m not going to say “don’t be judgey”, because, coincidentally, that is their right. But I will say this: Anyone who feels oppressed by this decision and is planning to picket a wedding, you really needs to take off yo crabby pants because there are still plenty of places you can judge a gay marriage without causing a GD scene. Not sure where to go? I would imagine you can judge gay marriage pretty openly in a Confederate flag factory. You can definitely be judgey, of all marriages in fact (gay or straight), sitting next to an Aunt Theresa (and there is always an Aunt Theresa nearby). You can judge on the inter-webs, specifically on this super openminded website, or in a Wal-Mart. You can judge on a box, you can judge with a fox. Just don’t be judging at the wedding. You don’t have to go. Your children don’t have to go. Your pastor, your goldfish and your God don’t have to go. RSVP “Not interested due to aggressive feelings of prejudice” and send something fleece. The gays hate fleece so you’ll definitely get your point across without making a public asshole of yourself. Feel free to argue, but you’ve already read my rebuttals (see above) and there really isn’t a way to dissent “you smell like fish water.” [Mic drop.]
Fortunately, I think the discriminatory feelings towards the LGTB community are beginning to wane, though I could have celebratory blinders on and that statement might be like saying “racism is dead”. But in the end I’m just happy to see things changing. It’s been a long battle, one I have hardly even been a part of, but that I’ve read a whole lot about so I’m basically an expert.
In conclusion, I am proud of you ‘Merica. I’m proud that you recognize all humans as people, and only slightly disturbed that it took this long. I’m also diet disoriented as to how we’ve gotten to a point that you get to dictate who does and does not receive dignity, but for now I’ll pour myself a martini and celebrate that I was alive to see the day that ‘Merica stood up and said “there ain’t no party like a civil rights party, cause a civil rights party don’t stop”.
And on the fifth day, Justice Kennedy said:
“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered.” –-Justice Kennedy, in majority opinion
And it was so.
*Note: Just so that (on this joyous occasion) I do not misconstrue myself as ignorant, I would like to put it out there that I may sterotype the shit out of le gays in this blog post, but just for humor/Josh and definitely not because I think all of those in the LGTB community are men in dance club with boas and great eyeliner. First, “the men in dance clubs” description fails to acknowledge the L, the T, the B and those who choose not to identify with a specific letter of the acronym and secondly, “men in dance clubs” also fails to include those men that are happily cuddled up together on their couches watching Top Gear with their three children and pet bird. I understand these things and I’m just trying to make Josh pee his pants a little. He has the right to laugh that hard (and also -yay!- get married) as of today. Kapish?